Sometimes, just when you need it…

Friends, I have not been enjoying anything approaching good health. For three days, I ran a fever, compounded by chills, severe, bone-crushing body aches, and nausea. It also felt like an elephant sat on my chest.

Generally, I get asthma like symptoms after a severe cold and have special medicine I take to get through it and enjoy happy and healthy lungs the rest of the year. Because of our incredible blessing of an overabundance of rain this year in California, all those long-dormant seeds came blooming into glorious life all at once, and I am wheezing and out of breath. I couldn’t even teach my class this morning, I’ve been whistling and rattling so much from my chest.

I hate the sensation of not being able to breathe. It makes me feel like I am going to panic, or cry, or freak out and die. (Literally…I imagine freaking out, running out of breath, falling over and hitting my head on the sharp corners of our coffee table and bleeding out before the kids get home from school).

So, there I am sitting on the couch, listening to my rattling and laboring breath, trying to meditate, but spazzing myself out instead. I feel demoralized after so much illness this week, totally out of it and anxious. So, I got online to try to give myself something else, anything else to think about it since even focusing on a book was beyond my reach. And there it was, from the wonderful and erudite B.K.S. Iyengar. I almost cried.

Do not think of yourself as a small, compressed, suffering thing. Think of yourself as graceful and expanding, no matter how unlikely it may seem at the time.

Then I got rewarded with one full breath. It will have to be enough for now. I am thankful.

 

10 thoughts on “Sometimes, just when you need it…

  1. Glenn says:

    Kaye, so sorry to hear you’re not feeling well. There’s always something to learn when we go through a bit of suffering and we keep our eyes open like you did. Sounds like the quote from Iyengar was just what you needed;-) Take care and be easy with yourself.

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    • kaphayogi says:

      Right back at you, my good friend. I imagine I have a lot to learn from you on this topic. Can’t wait to see you. This asthma should be under control in a couple of days.

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  2. Joella says:

    Get healthy, girl. Nothing like bad health to make a person think everything is falling apart. This too shall pass.

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  3. hbksloss says:

    Sorry you have been suffering physically. The flu sucks. But I’m amazed at how well tuned into your inner self and the world around you that you receive messages that are just what you need to hear at the moment–what a nice miracle. Sending you healing energy.

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  4. Jovanna says:

    I’m sorry to hear your feeling so terrible lady! I have aweful allergies as well, and there are two things that have helped me. The Neti pot nose flush and accupuncture. I’d be happy to send you my accupuncture’ information. Get well. Miss you lady!

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